I’m one of the few many who question pretty much everything. In my quest to seek clarity on one disturbing topic of marriage coz clearly that’s where I’m headed. Atleast I’d like to learn what my culture says about being somebody’s wife. Keep in mind how obvious it is nowadays to find out the man I intend to build a future with, I’m actually not the only woman in his damn life.

In the book, The Southern Kikuyu, I realized that the stories we hear of young women and “wababaz” is not new. Even in the 80s and 90s apparently the story was similar. Only that back in the days they did it modestly. By modesty I mean no woman was accused of hanging out with men too old for them or their father’s age mates ecetera.

Women could get married and bear children and when the husband go’s out and meets a younger woman who interests him and visevasa, she would come in as a second wife. They lived in unity as every wife had her every need met. Second wives were by no means objects of pitty. If anything, women preferred the position of second wife because they believed the man would love them more and also the fact that the man is at least too old to search again. Either way being second wife, which we refer mostly to as side chic or baby mamas was fairly valued.

Equally, first wives were exclusively respected by both their husbands and their co-wives. They also had a life of their own where the husband was not involved. Including being in charge of the whole household. Unlike nowadays, all wives do is become DCIs to their husbands and scroll phones in the middle of the night like witches to find out who he could be “cheating” with.

It’s sad how society neglects baby mamas and force baby daddies to equally reject their “illegitimate” children because they fear their wives will cause tantrums and embarrass them to both their relatives and friends. I honestly don’t understand why anyone would think that the tears of a wife would damage her husband’s “mischief”. Quite the opposite, the tears of an abandoned mother who is on the mercies of a careless man and is reduced to a begger neglected by both society and life, should be feared the most.

Years back the so called side chics and baby mamas were married as second or third wives depending on how capable a man was. These women respected one another and no one would raise a finger to damage a Co-wife’s life. It’s quite saddening how our generation acts like we know it all yet we know nothing. Era has made us become insensitive. We are accustomed to lifestyles we can barely survive in. My grandmother tells me I will change my character however much I want but I can never change my culture. That makes sense.


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